Some of our family fun for February entailed:
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| Birthday partying with my awesome nieces. |
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| Chillin out with the awesome nieces. |
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| Gymnastics with the awesome nieces. |
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| Playing with Meow-meow. |
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| More gymnastics with the awesome nieces. |
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| Partying with the awesome nieces and Bammer. |
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| Meow-meow falling asleep at the computer. |
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| Watching Lindsey Stirling. |
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| Firebolt's sixth grade class did a Valentines dance. |
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| Having fun at the dance. |
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| Cub Scouts. Nathan is the Cub Master and I'm the Bear Den Leader. |
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| Lion Heart got his arrow of light. |
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| Meow-meow got into some frosting. |
Well, February began pretty much where January ended. The kids still didn't want to go with their bio-dad. The truly frustrating part is that my ex, being an adult, should have acted like one, but didn't. He was more focused on how his feelings were hurt by the kids not wanting to visit him than he was about how much he hurt the kids. During a phone conversation where he was just brow beating the kids about how much they hurt him and why would they do this to him, Spaceman Spiff told him that he had been hurt by being disowned. The only thing Spaceman Spiff wanted was to hear a heart-felt, "I'm sorry," but what he got instead was a, "I can't be held responsible for something I said in anger". Which was promptly followed with more about how what he did was nothing in comparison to what they were doing to him. In turn, it made it even harder for me to convince the kids that they should go with their dad for his visitation time. I kept telling the kids that at some point they would have to face him and they couldn't hide from him forever. I told them that they needed to clear the air and have a face to face talk with him. I told them that they would have to get past the hurtful words and forgive him and make peace. In the end, they took my advice and started going with their dad for visitation. The first time they went, the kids came home more upset than before. Spaceman Spiff spent the entire evening being grilled by bio-dad and step-monster. Step-monster told the kids that they were taking me to court at the end of the month and that they would get full custody of them. The kids weren't too keen on going back for a repeat but I convinced them they should.
The next visit bio-dad took the kids to his parents house and left the kids with grandma and grandpa where they got more of the third degree from them, "how could you do this to your dad? How come you are treating him this way?" Anytime Spaceman Spiff would bring up the fact that his bio-dad disowned him, it would be swept under the rug and the kids would get the third degree on how poorly they were treating their dad.
The next visit turned out to be the big game changer. When I picked up the kids that fateful Thursday evening, I immediately noticed that something was very wrong. Spaceman Spiff was in tears and Firebolt and Spider Monkey were shook up. As we were driving away, I asked what was wrong and that is when Spaceman Spiff broke down even more and Firebolt announced that her bio-dad had slapped Spaceman Spiff across the face. And it wasn't just any slap, it was a slap hard enough and loud enough that both Firebolt and Spider Monkey said they heard it clear upstairs. We got home and got Spaceman Spiff calmed down enough that he could tell us what happened.
It had been more of the same, bio-dad and step-monster were in his face grilling him about why the kids were treating them so badly, why they refused to visit.....blah blah blah. Spaceman Spiff had time and time again told them why, but I guess they were looking for a different answer. Well, Spaceman Spiff no longer knew what to say. Which I completely understand, after being married to the man for seven years I know how he won't let something go and will hound and hound until you feel like you've gone insane. A little about Spaceman Spiff, he's got high-functioning Aspergers Syndrome and severe Scoliosis. I'm sure the whole situation was quite overwhelming for his senses. But the next thing he knew, he had been slapped. With his compromised spine, he reported that he saw stars, felt shooting pains down his arms and back and his hands clenched up and he couldn't move them. The slap had happened early on in the evening so by the time I picked him up, several hours had passed. However, Spaceman Spiff was still saying he was in a lot of pain and his hands and arms felt numb.
We immediately called the police who came over and took Spaceman Spiff's report. Nathan then took Spaceman Spiff into Primary Children's where they reported that he had suffered whiplash from the slap. Spaceman Spiff was in so much pain that he could not sit through an entire day of school. In the state of Utah, it is perfectly legal for a parent to reasonably slap or spank their child if they are being unruly. When the police officer interviewed my ex, he was trying to determine if the slap fell into that category. The medical report stated he had suffered whiplash. The police reported back that the slap had indeed not been a disciplinary action and had indeed been a slap out of anger. That changed things immensely. I was able to take that information and go to Child Protective Services and get a protective order to safely keep the kids from having to be in a hostile and dangerous situation. This also opened up yet another court hearing in March for the protective order.
Several days after the slap and just before I was able to get the protective order in place, we had our custody hearing that my ex had put up a stink to get. As we were in the court room, the commissioner wanted to know why we were there. My ex's chief complaint he made to the commissioner was how he had been denied his visitation. I'll never forget the look on the commissioner's face when she asked him when his last visitation had been and he told her, "last Thursday." I think if they had been able to, her eyes would have rolled out of her head and down the road. She quickly dismissed the whole case.
My ex picked up two of the kids from school before the police had a chance to serve him with the protective order, so I had to go with them to get the kids back. It was a relief to have them safe for the next two weeks until the hearing. But before that hearing, we had the adoption hearing on March 9th, We were pushing forward with child abuse charges. Spaceman Spiff was still in pain which was very concerning. We knew that at some point he was going to need surgery for his Scoliosis but with the amount of pain and numbness he was complaining about, we were seriously considering doing the surgery as soon as possible.
Then, quite unexpectedly, right at the very end of February, my ex sent Nathan a text message. He was willing to sign the adoption papers and give up all parental rights. He had a few stipulations he wanted met before he signed.......He wanted all charges against him dropped. He wanted all past due child support forgiven and no further child support obligations. And he wanted a $5000.00 pay off.
Nathan had our lawyer draw up the paperwork.......and the clock ticked over to March..........
