The Niffler

I purposely made it over the top.  I am very curious to see what the response will be if I even get one.  And my three children I mentioned are my cats.  I thought it would add a nice touch.  

Here's my response to Debra, enjoy......

Debra,

I am so glad that you took a chance and “encroached” me with this.  I find it very pleasurable to work with you in this endeavor.  I will begin my response to you by answering every one of your questions you asked me.

You said, “But can I trust you?”  My answer to that is YES!!  You absolutely can trust me.  In high school I was known as the trust master.  My mind is like a steel trap, nothing gets in and nothing gets out.  People came to me with their secrets and I kept them.  You could describe my secret keeping to that of a house elf, I trust that you know what a house elf is.  Because that describes perfectly my ability to keep secrets.  

You asked me, “What do you do for a living?” My talent at being trustworthy and keeping secrets is what led me to get my job at the DOD.  I can’t say what I do for the DOD, all that I can tell you is that I am an unspeakable and leave it at that. You were right to contact me with these sensitive details and I can assure you that I am the person for the job!!

You asked me, “Are you married with kids?”  I have three kids but I don’t know who or where their fathers are.  I have considered going down to the shelter and getting another one, but it’s risky as you never know what child you will get. I am engaged to two different men currently (it’s so hard to decide which one I want to marry, they are both really awesome).  With the recent marriage rulings, I am hopeful that polygamy, polyamory, and polyandry will be recognized and legalized.  Until then, my husband will be the man of the house, God rest his soul.

You asked me, “Can you handle these?”  I can handle quite a bit actually.  I am very good at handling things and doing it discreetly.  I’ve handled quite a bit in my lifetime.  I’m also very handy.

You asked me, “Hope you are okay with this?”  I have no problems with this.

And lastly you asked, “Will you still help?”  My answer is YES!!

I have never been to Korea, but my husband, God rest his soul, lived there for two years and knows the area very well.  Camp Stanley sounds very lovely, your description of it was very well put together.  Have you ever thought of writing for Wikipedia? I am curious to know which of the following units you belong to, 532nd Military Intelligence Battalion (Bravo Company), 61st Maintenance Company (194th CSSB), 560th Medical Company, Installation Management Command (IMCOM), 602nd Aviation Support Battalion (Support Team), MEDDAC-K Preventive Medicine & Industrial Hygiene, 23rd Chemical Battalion (2ID), 618th Dental Company, 629th Ambulance Company, 560th Medical Company (TMC), 55th Military Police Company,  or the 46th Transportation Company(194th CSSB)?  I hear rumor that Camp Stanley is slated to close by 2017.  I am guessing this is why you are in need of my assistance?

As my job with the DOD requires a great deal of secrecy, I think it would be best if we use code names and not our real names.  I am very grateful you trusted me enough to tell me your name, but from now on we should use our code names.  My code name will be “The Niffler” and your code name will be “Griphook” and when we talk about our deal, we should refer to it as “Gringotts.”  

Mother Nature is a cruel taskmaster isn’t she?  Sometimes I think she has a grudge against us.  I know all too well about the forces of nature, my children are forces unto themselves.  They chase each other around like wild ferocious cats.  Although, secretly I think my daughter is always high, but I digress.  This winter was a hard one for all concerned.  We had 43 inches of snow!!

FIFTEEN MILLION DOLLARS!!  Wow!!  What a find.  I can see why this needs to be a top secret event.  I am quite sure that it was being used for political mischief.  It is such a good thing that an honest, true, chaste, benevolent, trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent person such as yourself found it and is keeping it safe, hidden, and away from prying eyes.  

You are very wise to use your diplomatic friend to transport “Gringotts”.  We will have to use the utmost care and secrecy in giving contact information.  But I happen to know people in high positions with Emirates airlines that could be useful in moving “Gringotts” for us.  Just let me know and I can get in contact with them.  They will be able to smooth things over and get “Gringotts” to us without any questions asked.  I can then personally collect my packages from them.  In this way, we don’t have to exchange too much personal information and lessens the trail that could be left behind.

I am so terribly sorry to hear about your late husband.  My husband, God rest his soul was in Daejeon when 9/11 happened.  It was a terrible tragedy.  But with your Seven million dollars, your prospects of getting married again will rise!!  As for me and my Six million, I will be updating my wardrobe, buying a new car, fixing my house, and maybe taking a trip to Las Vegas (what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas am I right? lol).  I will leave it to you to pick the best charity to give the rest to.  

I am confused about one bit you said that you would need my phone number but later said that phone conversations “would not be a safe measure in this endeavor.”  I have to ask are you trustworthy?  I can’t enter into any kind of agreement if all of our stories aren’t straight.  But no matter, I don’t actually have a phone.  I don’t trust them, for that matter I don’t trust the government…...too many cover-ups and conspiracies for my tastes.  Even civilians aren’t safe from the prying eyes of “big brother”.  They tap our phones, and keep tabs on our internet usages, the next step is implantation of tracking devices in our arms!! I am sure you have heard about the area 51 cover-ups?  Weather balloons and swamp gas….as if they expect people like us to believe that kind of nonsense.  

Griphook, I must tell you how excited I am to work with you and I look forward to hearing back from you.

Regards,

The niffler.

Trolling the trolls

You know what I hate? I hate door-to-door salesmen and scammers.  They are probably my biggest pet peeves.  I found this epic sign that I want to put on my door.

With the caveat that the Elders are always welcome.

From someone calling Nathan's grandma last year trying to convince her that Nathan had been kidnapped and she needed to give them money to secure his release, to the IRS scam where they actually said, "I don't hear from your attorney either then the only thing I can do is wish you a good luck as the situation totally unfolds on you. Goodbye", to getting spam and sales calls from local numbers, I've had enough of it.

I love reading and watching Youtube videos about people who troll the trolls.  Here's a link to one of my favorites. scamalot

I have decided to take a page out of their books and start trolling the trolls myself.  My phone does this nifty thing where if enough people have reported the number, it will come up telling me that it's a scam.  I've answered the phone singing the Monty Python Spam song. Spam, spam, spam spam.  I've had Meow-Meow answer the phone by telling him that Olaf is calling.  Nathan answers in Korean.  It's been highly entertaining.

NOTE EVERYONE READING THIS: I do not answer phone calls if I don't know the number.  Lately most of the sales calls have been from local numbers.  If you need to get a hold of me and I don't answer, please leave me a message or shoot me a text.  I will then get back to you and program your name into my phone so that I will answer the next time you call.  Otherwise you may have fun trying to get a hold of me :)

So, back on February 9th I got an email from Sgt Debra Moore.  The message said, "Can i trust you?"  I knew right off the bat that it was one of those scam emails.  I ignored it at first, but there was a part of me that just really wants to mess with this person.  I chatted with Nathan about it and we've decided to have some fun.  I responded back to her with "yes, yes you can."

Yesterday I got an epic email from her and right now I am devising my epic response back.  I thought that I would have some more fun by posting about it so you can all laugh with me.  Today I'm just going to share her email and when I get my response ready, I'll make another blog post.  On a whole, I don't condone trolling, but I have no qualms about trolling someone who goes about scamming people out of their money. This is going to be so much fun!!

Here is Debra Moore's reply to me:

Dear Friend,

 

Thanks for your response to my message.

 

Camp Stanley is one of the military bases run by the United States of America in South Korea. It is located close to Uijeongbu and is considered to be the largest part of the Red Cloud Garrison. It is located relatively close to the DMZ (Demilitarized Zone) and aims to ensure the peace in the area. It is run by the US Army. The history of this military base is not very rich, although old enough. I must thank you for your response, this shows your interest and I appreciate that. As you already know, my name is Debra Moore, feel free to call me Debra.

 

Now about my last message, in the past years, there were severe rains that caused deadly flooding and damage to South Korea, some wealthy people, including politicians, were killed and their houses and companies were destroyed as a result of the severe flood. The majority of them lost their entire family as a result of this. Some great sum of United States currencies were realized by the Government in their business structures, houses that were destroyed, but mostly companies.

 

During a routine patrol by my unit some time ago, I discovered a safe buried in a destroyed building. My team was not aware of this, as I kept it secret, till I had time to personally inspect the safe and found out it contained the sum of 15,000,000 (Fifteen Million us currency). This politicians understood the laws against such amount of currency in the country, so I believed they buried it and secretly used it for their political mischief.

 

At the moment, I have it privately secured and safe, without the awareness of anyone. But I cannot continue to hold it back here for long, because of my active duty

 

I have a very good, trusted and reliable diplomat who can deliver the boxes to you as he will be leaving Fukuoka, Japan very soon and since he has diplomatic Immunity, the consignment will not be subject to rigorous screening. I will provide you with the name of the diplomat in charge of delivery and I will also give him your contact information that you will provide to enable him to contact you immediately on his arrival. So during shipment, I will travel from Uijeongbu to Fukuoka, Japan to send it. I can make arrangement in sending to any address of your choice. The baggage will be tagged diplomatic documents and ancient graphic art material so that the diplomat will not know the contents of the boxes. I have decided to send it through diplomatic means as I do not want this going through banks around here, it will not be safe for us.

 

I am sorry to encroach into your privacy in this manner. I found your profile listed in the DOD database and I found it pleasurable to contact you for help. I am looking for a trustworthy person I can entrust this funds to, till I get back from my station in Uijeongbu, South Korea. My husband (David Moore) would have taken responsibility for this package but I lost him to 9/11 bomb blast. I feel so bad when I remember his death. His painful death made to join the US Army. It is so painful to remember that I lost him on that faithful day. Right now I am determined to fight terrorism with my last blood. I want to have a very peaceful retirement, maybe get married again.

 

I am sure you will know the best way to handle such amount for us when it gets to you. Please let me have an address where you want them to send the boxes and also your phone number. As soon as I get it, I will start making arrangements to ship at once. If we are lucky and fast enough, we can conclude this within the next few days.

 

I will send the whole amount since I cannot keep any on me. But can I trust you? As I already informed you that, this is of mutual benefit, once it gets to you, you take 40 percent and keep my 50 percent and donate 10 percent to charity organizations so that our good Lord will assist and bless us in future I believe this is fair enough. Your role here is to find a safe place where it can be sent to and mine is sending it to you. What do you do for a living? Are you married with kids? Can you handle these? We need to build trust.

 

I want you to know that, the knowledge of these leaving the province of Uijeongbu and Japan to any safe location, is just between the two of us, so try and keep it this way. If you are not capable of handling this huge sum, DO NOT allow me ship. I can find other means of dealing with it, as I have done everything possible to make this a reality from this end. We must keep a low profile as a result of the amount in question. Do not let me down.

 

Keep in mind at all time the need for confidentiality and absolute secrecy before we conclude this. Phone conversation is not a safe measure in this endeavor. Remember to keep our secret. I cannot call you on the phone or receive a fax, as I am not always at the base as a result of my operational schedule and active duty. Hope you are okay with this? Everything must be done by email. Will you still help? I need your urgent reply in this regard. If you are interested, please let me know, than having hopes.

 

I will be forwarding my Identification to you in my corresponding email.

 

Once again thank you and God bless. Please confirm receipt of this message. I’ll await your confirmation message.

 

Thanks and God bless.

 

Sincerely yours,

 

Sgt Debra Moore.

sgtdebmoore2@comcast.net

sgtdebramoore@yandex.com

One "confirmation" email coming up.......